20 June, 2007

What's Up with Pringles?

Pringles: Days of Future Past
Pringles used to have a clean, tight, stylized logo that would have done Saul Bass proud.

He looks like an olde Austrian Pringelfuhrer.
I picture him pulling a pringelkart and applying fresh Pizzalicious dust to the pringel before it is served.

The bushy Pringelfuhrer moustache is to prevent him from inhaling too much jalapeno dust and contracting Pneumonoultramicroscopicjalapenocheetleconiosis, also known as the "Fever for the Flavor"

And this foppish dandy?
He looks like his toupeed head is about to pop.

I blame either the secret alliance of gay men and old ladies to sissify America (The Gloved Hand) or regular old corporate plotting--increase appeal to children, establish an early pattern of consumer Pringle-seeking. I am not against corporate plotting, per se, but this seems incompetent. The new Pringle man is not iconic. It is only white noise in a culture where the encephalic condition perceived as cuteness is becoming more and more pervasive. Are we turning Japanese? I really think so.

Pringles Select Gourmet Chips?
No way. Pringles, they come in a tube. It's what makes them Pringles. And they are flavored with dust and they can be blue or have words on them or taste like anything under the sun. But they do not come in a bag.

Pringles Online

The menu begins with a disconcerting look at how
many people do not have access to Pringles.
I feel bad for feeling bad that they only have the Soy Sauce and Consomme flavors in Japan and not here in America. Many of the people in these red areas are literally dying because they do not have access to Pringles or any other food.

The geniuses put yellow text on a yellow background, blocking out the colon (which is the opposite of what Fat-Free Pringles do).

Pringles have given me a lot of pleasure over the years. I guess it's my turn to give something back.

Einmal Gepoppt,
Nie Mehr Gestoppt

The German slogan for Pringles is "Einmal Gepoppt, Nie Mehr Gestoppt" I ran it through babelfish:
"Once, never more gepoppt stopped."
The Germans convey malaise even in their snack slogans.

Pringles is having a contest to spend a day with an American Idol finalist.

(Second prize is two days)

Fat-Free and Anal Leakage
This anal leakage was a great joke for stand-up comedians and talk show hosts. They are the type of people who enjoy saying "Anal Leakage" to people who enjoy hearing "Anal Leakage."
The reality of it is that Fat Free Pringles use a type of oil that will not be processed by your system. This may be a problem if you are a big fat pig who scarfs down a whole tube in one sitting. Or if you are so busy a person that you can not find the time to properly wipe your butt after going number two. I enjoy fat free potato chips, in moderation, and wish the backlash from anal leakage jokes hadn't killed their place in the market.

Kids Today!

Dang kids and their Wikipedia vandalizing. I feel like putting on black socks and sock suspenders, tucking my plaid shirt into my plaid shorts, and going out into the yard and shaking my fist. Did you vandalize Wikipedia when you were a kid? Never. Sure I vandalized the school. And the Open Pantry. But never an online wiki-based encyclopedia anyone can edit. It would never have occurred to me. Kids today!
And by 'Kids Today!' I mean kids today are fuckers. Sometimes some kid will get your Treo to work and the "Kids today!" then means they are great. This is different than that one.
These were listed as flavors in other countries:
Wikipedia entry on Pringles -- Edited by me, Loland Kapuchinski
I added "Funky Soy Sauce" to the Japan list. People have a right to know.
I removed tobacco from the list of South Korean flavors. It has overtones of prejudice, especially because the little buggers there do eat kimchi.
I am tempted to remove the whole section on Israel. I know they don't eat potato crisps there, only Christian babies. But they can play their little game. Yonis Magonis sounds fake though, and I doubt even a Jew would eat such a fake-sounding flavor potato crisp, so it's out.
I won't remove Gordon Muir, because I am not against a few little friends having a giggle. Mr. Muir is probably their principal.

600+ collection of tubes (?!):

May the Schwartz be with you:


Jes said...

Gordon Muir is an actual flavor, according to my friend that works for P&G... though she doesn't know what the flavor actually tastes like. I'm investigating this with a friend in Japan as we speak.

Loland Kapuchinski said...

That is ridiculous. Utter Pringelcock!
There is not a tobacco flavor Pringle, nor a Gordon Muir. It is all a bunch of Yonis Magonis.
You continue your investigation, OJ. Get help from all your friends in Japan, at Procter & Gamble, in deep secret cabals, and at the Pentagon.