I am not sure if Paris Hilton would make a very good Christian.

(This post used to have a picture of Big Bird.
Big Bird resembles Paris. Yellowish, long neck, pointy beak.
Plus the old Big Bird used to have google eyes that moved independently of each other.)Paris Hilton

"I went to Catholic school as a child.
And I've always had a sense of spirituality,
but even more so now, after being in jail."

.
Sure, she spent a month and a half not getting drilled in the ass, but that was court-ordered. Christianity is an inclusive religion, but that is more about the poor people and ethnics. Being a good Christian is hard and cokey heiresses aren't up to the task. Leave that to hungry, swarthy people.

I blame Ernesto P. Gideon.
My theory is she just doesn't have a lot of books. Because she lives in a hotel (doesn't she?) she had access to the Bible. If she picked up "Dragonriders of Pern" she would be focused, not on God, but on Thread.

Bible Hard
It is delectably inscrutable in parts. Her pea brain can't handle it. I am not her biggest fan, but I don't want her to have a stroke.

A Lot of Fish in the Sea
There has got to be a more suitable religion:
Scientology: The anti-drug sci-fi moonies would love her so much they might look the other way about her occasional Mai-Tai.
Universal Unitarianism: Unitarians do not believe in the divinity of Christ, per se, but they are not nit-picky about it. And Universal Unitarians don't stickle big about anything! She could write her own ticket like she's used to.
Shinto: Shint-whaa-at!? Yeah, I said it. Shinto. She better worship her ancestors. If it weren't for them she'd be clerking at the CVS and trying to cover up a black eye with mascara. Now that lady would make a good Christian.
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