Here are the short jokey movie reviews!

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Meet the Browns
Tyler Perry continues his one-man war on cleverness.
German Name: Andere Schwarzenfilme!

Jumper
I won't criticize Hayden's performance as I think he is recovering from a stroke or something.
German Name: Nicht Genügend Der Hotty

10,000 BC
More mammoths please! If you can't do more mammoths, then less movie, please.
German Name: Nicht Genügend Der Hotty II

The Hitman
Some of this movie is ridiculous!

Horton Hears a Who!
Seuss movie without hideous frightmasks, but with more padding than a down comforter.
German Name: Der CGI Elefant

There Will be Blood
It was good until I fell asleep. Sorry, Dan! It's okay though: I dreamed I was watching a new Deadwood episode.

Juno
She's pretty fully-realized and eloquent for a teenage slut.
German Name: Jew? No!

Darjeeling Limited
Would make a beautiful silent film.

Leatherheads
Gayer than you'd think.

Drillbit Taylor
Which plays better in the media, a drug overdose or a suicide attempt?
German Name: Superschlechte

Stop-Loss
Daring performances that still blow.
German Name: Wir Toldusoe

21
So the protagnerd loses his V-card to Kate "rocket scientist" Bosworth, but then the dramatic crux of this movie occurs when his fat friends kick him off their science team. ?!
German Name: Schwarzejack

The Mist
Nothing scarier than a mist!
German name: Der Leitrainen

I Am Legend
Fresh Prince wisecracks his way through what is really a love poem to New York City. Love ya Big Apple!
German Name: Ich Bein Ein Jetsfaan

Beowulf
You can see Angelina Jolie's crimp!
German Name: Der CGI Krimpen

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
Conventional wisdom suggests the dumber a movie is, the more appropriate it is for children. ?!
German name: Wunterplatz Herr Kunterslatz

Fred Claus
This is the kind of Christmas movie Jews make. Stick to the Holocaust flicks!
German name: Weihnacht Haben Ludacris Ein Zwerg?

The Bank Job
Nothing more boring than a true story.

The Golden Compass
We only get a third of a dance with the cool special effects. The rest is just a big cold meander. What would my animal spirit be if I had one? It would probably be something uncool, like a regular cat with a bunch of eye-boogers or a chicken. Everybody would be hanging out with their tigers and falcons and I'd come in and they'd say "Hey look, it's Loland and his chicken." And the chicken would have a French accent, too. Even if there was magic, life would still be the same.

No Country for Old Men
Good, except old men actually love country.
German name: Blut Simplen

National Treasure: Book of Secrets
No Rock II? No Face/Off II? No 9mm? This is the one?

Alvin and the Chipmunks
Alternate Title: From Sarcastic Skateboarder to Scientologist Schlockmeister: The Jason Lee Story

The Bucket List
I would rather listen to the guy upstairs beat his dog than see this film. It's actually pretty funny because it's a little dog and he is an old man and he has to chase it to hit it.

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