20 Horrible Things to Say to Zenn-Lavians

-

The eternal balance of cosmic energies must be kept in harmony. Who are you to confound the ancient cosmic ways? Galactus was wrong to spare you -- no offense.

Me, I'm a Skrull man. Always have been. Go Skrulls, I say.

You found on Zenn-La that a Utopian technological society breeds malaise and apathy. I know how you feel, because I am from West Allis, Wisconsin.

How long did it take the World-Devourer Galactus to consume your planet? I bet it would take twice that to consume the Earth. Because we got heart!

Top five best planets: Earth, Skrullos, Mars, the Shi'ar Throneworld, and Ur-anus... of a homeworld Zenn-La. Gotcha! No, I love Zenn-La, I do. It's just all those Zenn-Lavians! Just kidding! But seriously your people are pretty bad.

I heard that on Zenn-La you were humanoid in appearance. I can see that is not true, with your enormous heads and pointy butt-noses. See if you can borrow some old masks from Kang.

I read in InTouch that Shalla-Bal and the Silver Surfer have called it quits. You people are just like that, huh?

How many Zenn-Lavians does it take to screw up a light bulb? It's a joke, they don't have light bulbs on Zenn-La. Because they are all a bunch of suckass hippies.

Silver Sentinel of the Spaceways? More like the Sliding Spazz of Sappy Space Smellodrama Stupid enough to get Stuck in our Solar System.

Back to Svalbard! Oh wait, that's an horrible thing to say to polar bears. I meant: Back to the Deneb system!

When my old awful boss Ron used to tell me to herald the destruction of worlds, I just told him I was on a break. That's what Silver Surfer should have done with Galactus.

I would call you a Zenn-LAME-ian, except it might offend the sentient squid-beings of Zennlamia.

I saw this Zenn-Lavian dude hitting on a human woman at a club once. Me and my buddies fucked him up but good. I got no problem with Zenn-lavians, just keep your filthy cosmic hands off our womenfolk. Ya Hear?

If you want to herald a planet's destruction by a world-devourer, hire a Xandarian. If you want a long prose poem that on how lonely it is is space, get a Zenn-lavian. It's just how it is.

Do Zenn-Lavians really live for a thousand years? It might just feel that way, because I've been at this party talking with you for 10 minutes and it feels like an eternity.

It seems an all-powerful galactic entity wishes to destroy the Earth every few weeks. Do we trade our humanity to save it? Do we sell out? No. We fight. Selling out is in your blood. You are a planet of Hetfields and Ulrichs.

I have a piece of debris from Zenn-La after it was destroyed in my pocket here. I was hoping it would kill you. You know, like Planet Krypton... What do you mean you've never heard of Krypton?

Did Galactus really create a barrier that kept Silver Surfer from leaving Earth? Because I know an Australian guy named Gary who says he was kicked out of Australia, but I'm pretty sure he's here in Wisconsin because the fruity accent is a hit with fat chicks. Did the Silver Surfer's accent get more or less Zenn-Lavian while he was here?

I got my girlfriend one of those knitted Zenn-Lavian handbags that were so popular a few years ago and it unraveled while she was in Panama. She lost her passport, so thank your homeworld when you get back there. And when are you going back to your homeworld?

.