I Wrote Some Limericks in a Bad Mood

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Nantucket

There once was a young man named Charles
Who cried as he stood on the gallows
He fell with a thwack
It all went black
And he made a sound like Charo.


There was a man who left his scabies untreated.
It got so gross that he couldn't beat it.
Quoth he "I'm not a looney Lou,
I got these at Harvard U.
Natalie Portman could've had these sweet nits!"


There was a man who feared falling the worst
Because he lived a life so cursed
He slipped when it was raining and pouring
Off the Chrysler Building's dirigible mooring
Onto a pointy-helmeted German tourist


There was my high school girl and wow.
She hasn't lost a step and how.
Her geezer wears mock turtlenecks
And drives a Porsche and they have sex?
(She's renting out her vagina now.)


There was a young lady with a body like a sack
But I think I'll still try to take a crack
If she's got at least one breast
Then she's passed my one test
God's gift to fat chicks is back!


There remains a gal from Nantucket
Who poops in my cock-shaped nuggets
During the ass sex
I read her the classics
As for her one boob, I juggles it


There once was kind of a racist
Who hated the look on their faces,
"I want to kick in
their lazy grins
Right through their Shamrock Shakes."


There was a Limericist whose job was cushy
Though his meter and grammar were mussy
He got as rich as the Buddha
Writing Limericks that were screwed-up
With rhymes as slant as Chinese pussy


There was a woman named Oprah
Who could have run for Pope-rah
But she had to kick G. I. Joe's ass
With a hood/mask
As Commander of the C.O.B.R.A.


I feel better now. God bless Ernesto Limericks!

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I wrote some horrible, horrible Limericks about your mom.

Nantucket

There once was a lady from Nantucket
With a pussy as wide as a bucket
She went on serious tears
With black baseball players
Including the late Kirby Puckett

There once was a crazy old biddy
Who sold her body for 22.50
I didn't make that bid
A black fraternity did
And she still wanted more. Your mom's trippy.

There was a gang pass-around named Edna
Who resembled the actor Richard Crenna
She didn't look so crass
Until she shat out your fat ass
So give her a call or stop by for dinner

Note: I have always found that saying someone's mother sleeps with blacks is an effective insult, because racists hate it. Because I'm not racist, they try to turn it around and I'm all "Ma likes to hit that dark shit. So?"

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I Wrote Some Limericks.

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Nantucket
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"There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it"
But they got the story wrong
Not about the dick being long
But I'm not from--I just live--in Nantucket.

There once was a hot young Laotian
Who drank a magical potion
He got double drilled
And then he got killed
That unfortunate Sinthasomphone

There was a sheep-herder named Jock
Who had an incredible flock
His sheep were most famousest
For their distended anuses
Wait--did I accidentally say flock?

And one for the kids...

There once was a Shaolin from Wudan
Whose kicks were incredibly good and
So when he got in a fray
He just ran away
(He wouldn't soil his nice Nikes for nothing).
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