.
Sure, he's dreamy, but he can barely speak. He couldn't act his way through soaking wet toilet paper. He's really really bad. Keanu bad. They shouldn't have let Keanu ruin all the movies he ruined. He's a blight. They should have stopped him after Dracula. They should have stopped him when they found out that "Keanu" was a Hawaiian word meaning "wooden." Hayden and Keanu are ruiners of movies. Ruiners!
I'm trying to get into the story while watching Jumper. I'm not a slacker. I'm doing the work! But every time this Hayden comes on screen, me and my suspension of disbelief get thrown right off the rail. He just mouths his lines with a thousand yard stare, like a kid reading a report to the class. I can't stop thinking "What the hell is going on with the people who make these movies that they can't see how bad he is?" Teleportation! And I can't even get into it.
He is too disrupting to the fourth wall, even a fourth wall as solid as science fiction's. Put him in the chick flicks. An audience of ladies would be too busy thinking about breaking off a piece of his man-candy to mind his monotone delivery and the glassiest of stares.
William Gibson wrote Johnny Mnemonic, which featured Keanu Reeves as a man with no human emotions, or something. Gibson's next work to be filmed, Neuromancer, will star Hayden Christensen. Why doesn't William Gibson get some sort of rider on his next big movie contract that they have to hire a legitimate actor and not some boy toy with dead eyes?
.Rachel Bilson isn't very good either,
but I'm going to go ahead and give her a pass.
You go, RB!
but I'm going to go ahead and give her a pass.
You go, RB!
.
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