Ho Ho Ho! 10 Great Gifts for the Holidays this Holiday Season

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I was always told there's more than one way to skin a cat. That is definitely true this season! With all these great choices you're sure to find the perfect gift for the "feline mutilator" among your loved ones this Christmas for the perfect gift so have a great Christmas!

Cat-O-Mat

The original! And just as good!

The Cat Genie

Now with a spatter shield. Clean-up's a breeze! No clean-up!

The Ultimate Cat Machine Jr.

For the novice. You'll be skinning cats in half the time as ordinary!

The Ultimate Cat Machine Pro

For pure cat-skinning power, look no further than this one,
with patented "Cat-A-Minute" technology.

Mr. CatSkinner 5000 by Cheever

Tried and true cat-skinning, every time.
Guaranteed for up to 10,000 cats. Meow!

Gyro-Cat Rotating Cat Peeler

Inexpensive, simple, and quick Japanese import, but skinning the cat
in one long strip is the only option. Perfect for scrapbookers.

Skin That Cat! Executive Edition

For busy people who must skin cats on-the-go.
Convenient, but the cat-compacting mechanism can be a little loud.

Don Alexander's Cat-Skinning Computer

Hands-free cat-skinning at its best. Expensive, but the skinned cats are so good even your old Grandmother would think it was done by a professional. That's why they say "You'll have them all fooled with Don Alexander's Cat-Skinning Computer."

Karl of Paris Signature Set with Platinum Cat-Skinning Hooks

This gorgeous 130-piece platinum set comes in a plush-lined wardrobe. Karl of Paris's name is synonymous with skinned cats and it's no wonder. Talk about quality!

Many thanks to those corporations and companies that contributed these fine products for my testing of them so have a great Christmas!

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Here are the short jokey movie reviews!

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The Bourne Ultimatum
More karate that takes place really close to the camera.
25 cool points
Porno name: The Pourne Ultimatum

Bratz: The Movie
It's live action and it stars little girls that don't even look like mini sex dolls.
0 cool points
Porno name: No change (in name or costuming)

El Cantante
Is Marc Anthony even Puerto Rican?
0 cool points
Porno name: El Ass-man

Hairspray
Travolta's makeup just exacerbates how weirdly close his eyes are. Even the previews for women's movies suck.
10 cool points
Porno name: Fatty Freaks #7

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Spoiler Alert: It's not as good as the other ones.
25 cool points (Gary Oldman)
Porno name: Hairy Poopchute and the Horndog of the Fat Chicks

Hot Rod
Samberg Farrells, then Fallons off.
18.5 cool points
Porno name: No change

I Know Who Killed Me
I don't like Lindsey Lohan movies.
0 cool points
Porno name: I Know Who Kickfucked Me

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry
Gay.
10 cool points
Porno name: I Now Pronounce You Crystal and Lanie

No Reservations
Gay.
0 cool points
Porno name: No Reservations (About Anal Intercourse)

Rescue Dawn
Not gay, even with man on man snuggling. Herzogian.*
50 cool points
Porno name: Scraggly Guys #7

Sunshine
Human error in space. "Damn my calculations!!!"
6 cool points
Porno name: Sex Robots Off Mercury

The Simpsons Movie
Well worth the download.
25 cool points

Talk to Me
Ice Tray!
25 cool points

Transformers
CGI gear porn
25 cool points
Porno name: Trannyspooners

Underdog
In name only.
-50 cool points (travesty)
Porno name: Der Unterhounden

Who's Your Caddy?
Too real** for me?
0 cool points

* copped this word from Ebert
** black