Cable Tee-Vee

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Ace of Cakes
The name is misleading. They should call it Ace of One Cake because they do the same cake every time. Sheets of fondant every damn episode. Getting a photo digitally printed on a sheet cake is just as creative.
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Jean-Claude Fondant
"Oh no. Will we get this cake done on time? It sure is crazy around here."
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Fondant is what old ladies with no taste buds have for candy at their house. It is shapeable and cuttable and colorable, but it is inedible sugar wax, and you might just as well use Play-Doh. Anyway, you can't do the exact same thing every time. Can you? (Or have I unlocked the secret of television?)

The central doof has the shaveover (a combover moderne) and a pubic hair beard from 10 years ago, and the blah was-hipster cast makes me hunger only for whatever's on next.
Negative 100 cool points.

Bizarre Foods
For a guy whose job it is to eat bizarre food, this other bald fat guy on tee-vee sure doesn't like it much. He is always making a face when he eats something. I keep waiting for some local to tell him off when he insults the native cuisine. "Well excuse us for being poor you fat sack."
25 cool points.

Man vs. Wild
It's hard to get around the fact that the host, Bear Gryffindor, has a camera crew around him the whole time, and he could get a granola bar just by asking. His straining to emote despair aside, it is a fun ride. Plus quicksand has always scared me and now I know how to get out of it. Now I wish there was more of it in West Allis.
50 cool points.
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